Tags
I can’t believe it took me more than 45 years of life to understand this:
What we see of most folks is a fabrication of the image they want to portray.
Let me explain. When people come to visit, if I can help it, the house will be spotless. What’s suppose to shine will, the whites will be sparkly, and woods will be dustless.
But that’s not how I live. Most times there are dishes in the sink. The white kitchen floor shows messy spots. The white cupboards can use some whipping. The stuff atop the bathrooms’ counters is in some disarray.
At one level or another, we are all working hard at keeping up the image we’ve created. And we’re largely successful. Most acquaintances buy our charade. After all, they’re too busy building up their own fabrication to care about what portions of my story are true or false.
Yes, we tend to live as if On Display.
The syndrome becomes even more pronounced when it comes to dignitaries, CEO’s , politicians, movie stars, and just about anybody whose line of work puts then in the public eye, such as a pastor.
There is nothing particularly grand about a pastor. They’re just people like everybody else, with matrimonial problems and children issues. But they must pretend perfection, as nobody wants to hire a flawed pastor. Portraying a spotless image is a large part of his or her job.
It obviously is necessary for them to work hard at keeping up appearances; after all when they fall, it is all over the newspapers, as is currently the case with Bishop Eddie Long,
According to the CNN article, Mr. Long has been previously accused of pressuring young men for sexual encounters. And now his wife is divorcing him. Ooops!
I strongly believe that, like most human beings, the majority of pastors have skeletons—big and small—in their closets. But their followers are too busy going about their own lives to think about that. It is much more convenient to be start stricken by the so-called good shepherds, believe whatever they say, and then go back to work on one’s public image.
I inherited from my mother the ability to be start stricken by just about anyone. She, herself, derived such ability from the low-self-esteem inner voice that tells her she is worthless, thus everyone else is her superior (except for her own children).
So here is the conundrum teasing my brain this very second: what makes people an easy pray for fake holy ones like Eddie Long?
Is it their low self esteem? Is it the comfort of believing that a higher-up is faultless and speaks perfection? Is it a combination of both syndromes?
If you were a fundamentalist, when did you realize that pastors where people just like you and not worthy of blind faith?
As for Eddie Long, I just hope his wife truly divorces him. Sometimes I think that most pastors’ wives wish they could leave them. It is hard to keep up appearances. The stress must be huge, especially when they’re crooked and promiscuous. That’s no way to live.
I don’t know where the Eddie Long situation stands right now. I’d read that his wife was going to divorce him, then I read that she woudln’t divorce him after all. It may take a few days before we know what the Longs are going to do.
I think some people at least are easy prey for hucksters because they have been taught to revere authority. As you know, this is even more pronounced in fundamentalist religious circles.
Personally, I realize that priests were fallible humans when I deconverted from Catholicism at 14. I’d been raised to believe that priests were Jesus’ proxies on earth, and that the Pope’s theological utterances were infallible. When the illusion was shattered, I saw them for what they were: all too fallible men who had convinced the flock to give them dangerous amounts of power.
Tough questions to answer, for sure. I don’t think I have any good answers. I suspect that it starts somewhat slowly, and the waters are tested by something which isn’t terrible, but is inappropriate enough to be embarrassing to admit. When that happens without protest, perhaps it becomes a green light for the abuser?
I was raised in a Fundamentalist, evangelical christian home, school, and church (triple-whammied) and was taught quite overtly that I was not to trust my own thinking or ideas as I am fallible and human. I was told to be wary of my own thoughts and ideas as they “could be Satan whispering into your ear,” and was urged to follow only God’s voice. This, of course, creates quite a conundrum in that how does a fallible, easily-deceived and depraved human know what is ACTUALLY God’s voice and not that of my own fouled up mind or, even scarier– Satan! So, I relied on what my pastor and Christian books and Amy Grant told me. I deferred all decision making and critical thinking to those I considered “knew better” than I did due to their position, education, age, or perceived “closeness” to God. I mean, if I can’t get it straight from the horse’s mouth, I’ll get it from the person who knows the horse the best or knows a lot about horses or took a class on equine psychology. While I was never a victim of sexual abuse by a member of the clergy, I was a victim of a different kind of abuse where I was taught to fear myself and be overly compliant. Thank (God?) I got out relatively unscathed. Well, the therapy bills might indicate otherwise.
xxoo. Love your blog.
ROFL! A lot of people have been sucked in by the Gospel of Amy and the Epistles of Michael W. Smith.
I found it harder to leave the fear of authority than to leave biblical inerrancy. Simply reading the bible critically was enough to remove claims of ultimate authority from it. Thinking of a leader critically was outright sin.
Part of my journey was having one man who was supposed to be my church authority/covering confide in me that he disagreed with another church leader over what I should be able to do. His explanation was the the second church leader was operating from fear of women, not the Holy Spirit.
Before having to choose between two church authorities, I had very low self-esteem. I was taught not to trust myself. We were also taught that even though church authorities were only men and not perfect, we had to respect their office and title. When they were in their leadership role, we had to forget what jerks they were and simply obey since God was speaking through them.
We were told if obedience lead to disastrous consequences, the leaders would have to account for it when they died. We would only have to account for obeying them or not.
Living with church elders helped me see their humanness and seeing other people such as former pastors question divine authority helped me get over it.
Ahab
====
The teaching of excessive respect for authorities is a big one, I think. It definitely was one of my issues.
Wise
====
Yeah, ppl who have been abused sort of carry an invisible “abuse me” sign that constantly attracts more abuse, unfortunately.
Berber
=====
Thank you for your kind comments! That fear of blaspheming the name of the lord kept me in there for a lot longer than I should’ve stayed — yet another important issue.
Prairie
=====
Interesting story! When holes are poked in the belief system, some of us open our eyes and see the light. In my case, hearing Christians of different denominations contradict each other and argue vehemently against one another really helped.
As it happened, I had to go to church last Sunday.
The interesting thing that connects to this post is that the pastor preached about Joseph. The pastor said that Joseph didn’t say anything in the Bible – all he did was listen and obey – and went on to say that everyone should do the same – listen and obey.
Yep. Submission to authority is still considered a worthy ideal in fundogelical circles.
Blech!
Which is why Christianity is perfect for dictatorship. It keeps the masses submissive, in spite of the leader being a jerk.
It keeps those in power put, anyways. The concept applies to women, children, teachers, or anyone else who lords it over their hierarchical inferiors.